Tending Other Gardens

I feel armed. Not like I am very conscious of my arms, but more like I feel geared and ready to go... to the library. This morning I woke up at 7:45 thinking about the next books I will read (just finished a book last night). I ran upstairs right away and got on Goodreads, pulled out my Provo City Library card, and started salivating. They have a copy of Interpreter of Maladies? A book club set of Gilead? Ooooh, The Help! I heard that was good by many-a friend. Gosh, I love summer reading.

Unrelated side comment: For the past year, I have eaten nothing but Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast. I'm serious--except for special occasions like holidays or camping, I ALWAYS eat a small bowl of cheerios before I leave the house. Always. Even if it means that I will be two minutes late. I regularly choose breakfast over punctuality. Today, for absolutely no reason at all, I am eating Golden Grahams. They taste good, but different. And suddenly, I miss the familiar feel of little O's in my stomach.

I'm thinking now about my projects. I always have a few projects going on determined partly by season, partly by interest, and partly by how easy it will be to maintain my reading list and cheerio-eating. This summer, I started a garden in my backyard and a book club with some friends. How suburban of me. Here I am digging up radishes and talking about a well-written novel, and there are children in Africa or Uganda or low-class America starving. I actually hate when people say stuff like that, because the truth is that there is no corrolation between my novels and their daily diet. Unless they are going to burn my novel to build a fire that will cook their dinner, of course. How stupid of me not to think of that.

Another project is that I also recently decided that I want to be a nicer person. Believe it or not, the jury was out about if being significantly nice actually matters. I've had times when kindness is taken advantage of which has made me a bit more cautious of helping out. My dad always says this phrase that goes "no good deed goes unpunished." You know, you lend someone money and they expect more money every time. He's a regular do-gooder if I've seen one, but he's also seen good deeds that come back to bite.

And by the way, I'm not talking about saying things like "I like your skirt." A compliment is nice and it matters, but I guess I want to focus more on substantial types of niceness: giving people things that they really need.

Example #1: I recently helped someone get a job. She'd been looking for months, and I had known her for only one month. I asked my friend who is in the same field if she knew of anything. I passed along the information and within a week, she scored the position! She gave me a gift card to Barnes & Noble to thank me--she must have really needed the job. This is the third job I have directly helped someone get in the past year. I think it's important in this economy to try to help people be employed.

Example #2: I knew my spectacled 15-year-old sister had been wanting contacts for a while, but couldn't figure out how to do it. She was scared of touching her eye. I had the same problem about six months ago until someone took the time to help me go to the optometrist and figure it all out. It has made a world of difference! So earlier this week I spent just an hour helping my little sister (I even put the contacts in her eye for her the first time--I've never put in anyone else's contacts for them before). Now she can do it herself forever!

Other things that matter to people: giving rides, remembering birthdays, doing dishes, free babysitting, compromising, being generous with time, being the one to call first for hanging out or visiting teaching, sitting by someone at church, letting someone know about an event they would be interested in, giving feedback on grad school applications or essays, being on time when it matters, giving people nice nicknames so they know you like them, helping to clean up at a barbecue or wedding reception, loaning or returning books, writing genuine comments on someone's blog, cleaning the bathroom, making a big deal about someone's good test score, investing in others' ideas, and asking follow-up questions about someone's life.

These are all things I have done in the past two weeks and I am now deciding that "Kindness Counts" (I got that motto from the American Girl magazine when I was ten). I guess I have gotten my second wind. I used to subconsciously think that good deeds--while helping others--were meant to make one's self feel good, that THAT was my motivation. And sometimes they do feel good. But other times, it really takes bending over backward on one's own part to help someone else.

So my motivation now is seeing people GROW in POSITIVE WAYS. I love watching things grow: gardens, babies, organizations, etc. It's so much easier to accomplish things when someone encourages me; It may be true for other people too. Growth is hard, and we need to help people with it.

Anyway, I've talked long enough about stuff that most people reading this have probably already figured out ages ago. I guess I have just been sorting through things lately. Isn't that an interesting phrase--"sorting through things?" It's usually not pleasant things that people "sort through," but wouldn't it be nice if it were? I would love to know that what someone is sorting through is only their DVD collection. Meg Ryan flicks, Pixar movies, foreign films... Or sorting playing cards into their respective suits. Clubs and spades over here, diamonds and hearts over there, they explain. Or maybe they sort through their To-Read list on Goodreads to pick their next book. Gilead, The Help, Interpreter of Maladies. Wouldn't that be nice!